Understanding who we are changes how we show up in our relationships—and in our lives.

I’m Dr. Heidi Hastings, a marriage and sexuality researcher, educator, writer, speaker, and relationship coach with a Ph.D. in Human Development and Family Studies.

My interest in relationships is both professional and personal. After experiencing divorce early in adulthood, I entered my second marriage determined to understand how to build something different. More than 30 years later, I’m still fascinated by how our experiences shape who we become—and how knowing ourselves helps us create healthier relationships.

Research that became personal work

My doctoral research explored the experiences of Christian, Jewish, and Muslim women whose husbands engaged in problematic pornography use and other sexual behaviors. I studied not only betrayal, but how it affected women’s identity, sexuality, spirituality, relationships, and development.

From that research emerged my Five Stages of Betrayal & Self-Development, describing the journey from innocence and crisis through healing and transformation.

My work has since expanded to marriage, healthy sexuality, identity and agency, intimacy, and how individuals and families respond to stress.

Turning insight into something useful

I’ve also taught university courses in Family Stress and Coping, and that experience continues to shape the way I work with people today.

Whether I’m teaching, speaking, writing, podcasting, or coaching, I want people to leave with more than information. I want them to understand themselves better and develop practical skills they can actually use—tools for managing stress, communicating, setting boundaries, strengthening intimacy, solving problems, and responding more intentionally.

At the heart of my work is a simple idea:

Change starts with understanding who we are, what we can influence, and who we want to become.

Beyond the work

I’m married to Dr. Scott Hastings, a physician and my co-host on the Marriage iQ podcast. We have four adult children and more than 30 years of marriage behind us—with plenty still to learn.

Outside of work, you’ll usually find us traveling, hiking and exploring nature, ballroom dancing, spending time with family, or participating in humanitarian work in Africa.

I believe we are all still becoming—and that some of life’s hardest experiences can become part of how we grow into stronger, wiser, more intentional versions of ourselves.